Back.

Sometime in November, I officially dropped below the radar. As days shrink, people seem compelled to spend the lengthening nights in each others' company--attended of course by food, drink, entertainment and revelry. We give the darkest months of the year to excess, and emerge blinking in the sudden light of a world resurrecting itself, with the promise that the grey and dark could inexplicably be beautiful, and soon.
From about November to January, I had, it seemed, only time for work, sleep and laundry. What little time I got with friends is remembered through a film of fatigue.

The past weeks winter has finally ebbed, and I have given more of my time over to exercise and gardening. I'm trying to rebalance, to work with more speed and drive and focus, and to leave it at the door. I am working to be a better cook and a person who can be something else when she's not.
Because cooks, sometimes, are assholes. When one person on the line screws up, other cooks can be merciless. I have seen a cook jabbed repeatedly for an entire shift over one early mistake, miscalculation or oversight. I've seen people fired for ostensibly trivial offenses. I've also seen every cook on the line pull a single person out of the weeds long before there's a problem. We accept these extremes--they're as much a part of the business as the crushing boredom early on a slow night and the pounding, ceaseless rush that goes on for hours.
I've learned so much over the past 6 months, but I have not become a better friend, partner or human. I'm trying to get back to that. I'm also trying to get back to this blog as a space to think, to explore ideas, and, if there's still an audience out there after my long absence, to communicate. Look for more posts soon.