The Tough Stuff: Softshell Crabs

We first got softshell crabs into Woodfire around last September. I was working cold station, so I didn't work with them much. They were still on the menu when I started training on cold station, but I didn't prep them, I just used them.

"Prepping" softshells is something of a euphemism. They arrive live, like many shellfish, and it's the cook's job to dispatch them. Oysters never really got to me, dumping lobsters in boiling water was old hat; we used to go crabbing every year on vacation, and somewhere my parents have a picture of my brother and I gleefully displaying Freddy, Betty, and Morris, a trio of post-boil blue crabs that we prepared when I was about 5.

Prepping softshells has three steps, in the eloquent words of our grill cook: "Face, ass, lungs." As in, that's what you cut off with a pair of scissors. First the face, across the front of the body, then the apron, then the lung sacs or "dead-man's fingers" as my sous chef was happy to inform me. I began to suspect that some of my fellow cooks were enjoying my inaugural crab-killing, especially the expected squeamishness: Chef even had one cook cry when she killed softshells.

I learned that I'd be working softshells about an hour before I got to them, so I tried to prepare myself. I asked exactly how I was supposed to do this, thought about it, and took the time to clear my station so nothing would be in the way.

The box down in the cooler was heavy, and too large to fit up the narrow stairwell with my knuckles, so I lifted from the bottom.

Crabs are cold-blooded, so their time in the cooler had them pretty lethargic, for which I was grateful. The sous walked me through my first. I cut parallel to the points, taking off the face. A green gel--with which, I informed the sous, I was not cool--oozed out. I turned it over, folded down the apron and cut it off as the legs and claws waved lazily. The top shell pulled disturbingly easily off of the bottom, and the lung sacs snipped out easily, leaving a little bit of sediment which wiped away.

The first few were tough. I know my crustacean anatomy well enough to know that they have a rudimentary nervous system, but probably don't have nerves equipped to feel pain. I have no qualms about eating pork or beef, which come from animals that are obviously far more sentient. I knew that if I worked quickly, they wouldn't warm up enough to be active, which I assumed was better for the crabs, and knew was better for me. None of these intellectual comforts made cutting off the face of a living creature sit easy with me. The crabs began to warm up and move more with each iteration. But it's true that unpleasant tasks get easier with each repetition, and eventually I was churning along like a pro. Chef came by, we chatted about the plating, and he examined the crabs, which he hadn't seen yet. At least I tell myself that that's what he was doing. He reached into the box and turned them with his hand, sing-songing "Wake up little crabs! Wake up for Stella!" I immediately wished that I hadn't mentioned my concern that they'd get "fiesty."

But I didn't cry, puke or get the shakes. The saute cook used to work fry station, and assured me that while it was initially difficult, she'd "made her peace" with it. It's not fun to kill something, but the reality of food is that for some of our favorite things, an animal must die. And in ten years, I'd rather be a chef who's aware of this through personal experience than one who's never done the hard thing.

I expect tonight to have nightmares about faceless zombie softshell crabs chasing me and squeaking in high, reedy voices "Braaaains! We want you giant mammalian braaains! Why did you kill us?" As with the killing itself, I tell myself that comfort lies in mental preparation.